It Takes a Village

We have often heard this phrase, said usually in modern day America, with nostalgia because it seems to be something we have lost in the midst of white picket fences and success driven lifestyles. I have thought about the contents of this blog post for a long time. And even though I live in a communal culture now they too have not fully practiced what this means either. In fact in many ways they have drifted as far from it as America has. But these losses have manifested themselves in very different ways. I'm going to focus on America because that is majority of my readers. 

  It takes a village. A village typically consists of many people. Children, elderly, singles, married, all different age groups. When we say “it takes a village” we are saying that it takes everybody. EVERYBODY. Single, married, kids, adults, old people. If this phrase is perhaps our ideal, which it should be,  we have suffered the lacking of it in our lives because of the way we structure our lives and society. But i believe we can change that. And i believe those that are part of the body, and the church have an even larger responsibility to pursue this. But I want to talk more about what it means. 

  In typical America, we are, from early days put into peer groups. Whether it is school, sports, church events, clubs, extra curricular. We tend to socialize and spend our days with people like ourselves. Most churches i have been too have “the singles bible study” where most people feel a bit uncomfortable and undervalued, they are "waiting" to be married. In school you are with your exact age group and typically socio economic status, all day every day. Now there is encouragement and good things that can come from being around people we relate too, but where we have taken it too far is that we have kept away from those that are not like us. Example: why is it that when people get married, they only deem it good to typically hang out with married people? I know most of your answers would be, “well they understand what it’s like, they have my same rhythms. 

I hear you. 

BUT. What if that real hole in your life, and yearning of your heart amidst whatever phase in your life you are is, the lack of diversity. What if your married with kids but need the love and advice and liveliness of a single younger person. Or an old person, or a young child. Or somebody of another race, another economic status. Imagine if your life and community was filled with different people, and how much richer that would feel. And you got to learn from them all, and they learned from you.  

Why do we suggest that this conforming of groups has helped us? When everyday loneliness climbs, mental disorders rise, teen suicide is more common, hate, and even politically we are more and more hostile to one another. It’s because we have abandoned one another in many ways, for similarly ness. For the comfort in only being with people like “us”. 

The biggest ways in our culture that I have seen this system fail us most is in the adolescents, in the elderly, the devaluing of single people, and in the way we misunderstand minorities.

 I’ve been talking to a single friend about these things, I say that but that is not the first thought or even the 10th thought that comes into my head when thinking about her. She is wise, reliable, fun, and servant hearted. She has so much to offer. And yet, she has felt pressure that she is only valuable once she is married with a family, that she hasn’t arrived yet and is in a forever transition. That she doesn’t have a family to offer, but must simply join into other families.  And yet she has been most valuable (I think) in light of her singleness. She has been more available, flexible and filled with wisdom in another perspective BECAUSE she isn’t married with kids. She has just recently begun to feel more embolden to embrace this time, and I’m so proud of her because of it. As a married woman, I need my single friends. And not just because they are single, but because of simply who they are. And I’m sure it will be a temptation when I become a mother to young children to be consumed by that, and I will need my single friends to remind me that isn’t ALL their is. I’m God’s daughter before all else. 

I took a youth ministry class in college and one of the books we read was “The World Beneath” describing teenagers and their phase of life as a hidden world from adults. Kids have learned since the beginning of their education, that you only relate to your own age, adults don’t understand you and you secret away your personal life. That is why their is so much bullying, suicide, teen pregnancy, rape, and insecurity resides in the youth. They are being taught by themselves. We literally put them in a building all day almost everyday with only kids like them typically, full of hormones, insecurities, and strangeness. It’s like a bomb waiting to explode. Then they are often guarded, ridiculed, and misunderstood by the adults that watch them. 

  Now there are exceptions. There are some amazing teachers, administrators and youth workers that have taken up what it means “It Takes a Village” and looked at the youth as people to learn and mentor, to listen to and understand, to spend time with and invite into their lives. In fact perhaps teachers  of any other type of adult, take this burden on most. But I’ve also been in teachers lounges where they discuss the teens with a disdain, constant frustration and suspicion. 

    But imagine if children were surrounded by adults, babies, and different ages who mentored them. Imagine if they didn't shrug off the elderly but actually sat at their feet to listen to them. I remember thinking so many of my peers were strange when I went to public school that had NEVER been around babies, and felt so uncomfortable looking and talking to grown ups (seriously most teenagers are). I had a very rare upbringing, I trusted and enjoyed adults and kids, because I had been surrounded by them, I also felt comfortable with people with disabilities and non-english speakers. And that has given me more richness than the best education could’ve. Grown ups would chuckle at my five year old self because if I was sitting near you, I'd probably start a conversation with you, and expect to be taken seriously. 

   In many ways we are failing the youth. Watch shows like 13 Reasons, or walk into a middle school or high school. You will see what I’m talking about. It is a world beneath, but it doesn’t have to stay that way, it will require US giving them time, love, understanding and VALUE. God says do not underestimate somebody according to their age.  

   When I read the Native American book “The Wolf at Twilight” it was full of wisdom and life lessons taught by a 90 year old man. My Paw Paw is one of my favorite people to talk to, he has SO much experience and I love listening to his stories and his advice. But both my Paw Paw, and this Native American man, had been given a role in which they were RESPECTED, and valued. Typically we don’t do that in our culture. We put them in nursing homes, we see them as old and used, not as relevant as the younger people. We think old people are sometimes cute, but not really to be taken seriously. But those same elderly people have lived more life than anybody else on the earth. Shouldn't we be asking them questions? I think one of the reasons this Native American man in the book was so sharp and wise was because his community and people VALUED him above all others, because he was an elder. They described elders and babies being closest to the creator. Babies, because they have just innocently been born into the world newly made by the creator, and the elderly because they are nearing the end where they will meet Him again. These two groups in Native American culture are valued greatly, and respected. How different our lives would be if we did the same as a society, if we asked the old for their wisdom and had it balanced with young people and their new vision of the world, they would challenge and grow each other.  

The last group I want to talk about is minority groups. We are in an age now we are talking more about slavery, about immigration, about social injustice (although we are not talking much about Native Americans). These are great things. But most minorities I have talked to still feel like the majority white America never actually ASKS them, or LISTENS, or tries to really UNDERSTAND their perspective. They don’t enter their neighborhoods and communities. The book The Hate U Give, really discusses this a lot. it’s about a black girl who lives in “the ghetto” but goes to a white wealthy school. Her white friends will not go to her neighborhood because it’s scary. She feels she must act in a completely different way at school then at home, and school friends and her neighborhood community do not ever meet. Towards the end some of the people at her school become more willing to enter her world, and she is feeling more bold to be herself. And it’s powerful. I have seen in my life what it looks like to have minorities included, and groups really mixed racially, and when their is mutual respect and trust….man it is a force to be RECKONED with. The Sunday morning church services shouldn’t be as segregated as it is. It should be colorful and different. And if your black you shouldn’t have to act white to be in a more white church. There shouldn’t be such a thing. There is only THE Church. How beautiful His kingdom is because it is ALL believers across this world. But we miss so much when we don’t invite each other into our lives. 

So It Takes a Village. Imagine your life if the possibility of a society with you spending time with different kinds of people. of gaining knowledge and understanding from the innocence of a child, to the great experience of a 90 year old couple. The passion and freedom of a single person, to the new family of a married couple. The experiences and history of a black man and woman, the closeness and love of a latino family, the dedication and culture of the asian student in your history class, the kid with down syndrome who always gives such good hugs. Imagine looking at each of them with value, and seeking to learn from them. Imagine if you could have a community like this. This is the Body our Father was envisioning for us. I believe with all my heart that it is possible to have it, but you have to fight for it. It might be uncomfortable at first, it might be messy, but love can do all things. So don’t just say, It Takes a Village….break barriers and make a village. 

Good books to read that I reference or have gotten inspiration from

1. Wolf at Twilight by Kent Nerburn (part of a series) - discusses the forgotten stories of what happened to the Native Americans, and the value of the elderly and the young

2. The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas - discusses blackness, police shootings, racism, and the pressures of being black in a white world. Really interesting and wonderful perspective to hear. 

3. Casual Vacancy by J.K. Rowling - this one is very explicit and has a lot of language, but really delves into the disparity and anger between the youth and the grownups. Also the gap between the haves and the have nots.