Becoming Superwoman, My Birth Story.

I want to preface this blog and story with a few statements. My birth story is not every woman’s birth story, and I know many birth stories pull up feelings of trauma, pain, disempowerment, or guilt. I firmly, absolutely believe that EVERY woman has delivered their baby and is a Superwoman. No matter how, no matter what language was used around your birth. I also will preface this saying I believe every woman should choose how she wants to give birth and not be made to feel guilty or less than, whether it’s medicated, unmedicated or c-section. However, I personally am pro-unmedicated birth if you’re low risk, and would encourage most women to research the benefits of unmedicated birth and pursue it. There are many studies that show interventions and highly controlled environments can hinder birth, or cause complications with bonding and breastfeeding, but whatever a woman CHOOSES is her choice and she should be surrounded by people who support her and her decision. That is her freedom as a woman bringing a child into the world, and it is an incredibly strong thing.  Also a word to women who had unplanned c-sections ( I know many of them) you are NOT a failure, nothing is wrong with your body, you are no less women than anybody. In fact I think there is a greater strength to women who this happens too because they have to make hard unselfish decisions in a stressful time FOR their baby, that wasn’t what they wanted. You guys are incredible. 

Ok with that said, the following is my birth story. Some of it is my perspective, some is tidbits from the other people present. It is a hard, beautiful, and at times, a hilarious story that made me a mom and made me feel like Superwoman. 

Part 1. The Long Labor

My husband and I from the beginning were both more comfortable with a home birth and no interventions. I had been reading and learning so much about what is happening in the woman’s body to bring the baby out and researching statistics and the history of birth. Taking my Doula course and being present in natural birth also gave me a lot of confidence that this is how I wanted my child to be born. My husband, Ahn, had witnessed so many births and wanted to be with me intimately, and he felt extremely uncomfortable with the idea of being in a big hospital. 

So we prayed for a midwife, a home to give birth in near a better hospital if complications arose, and that I would be low risk and healthy enough to do a home birth. God was so good and all these things fell into place. Fast forward to last month, we had a friend fly over, Christa, who is midwife. We had a friend, Emma Kathryn, come to be emotional support, and we were given a free home where we could stay for a little bit in preparation of the birth, during, and after. We had a back-up plan B of one local hospital and a back-up plan C of crossing the border to Thailand in case of an emergency. We had medical equipment to act quickly in case of emergency, and felt peace about everything. 

On the 26th of August, three days before my due date, I began to feel the cramping sensations coming and going. I tried to relax even though I was really excited. I knew it could be awhile before things picked up. I was wearing a black soccer jersey and slurping one of my favorite smoothies at Common Grounds Cafe, imaging what the next few days might bring. That night they started to become minor contractions, 5 minutes apart. We began messaging people that he may come soon, but we were still trying to keep me distracted and calm. We watched Greenbook, which was an awesome movie, that night and stayed up talking. I felt pretty calm and ready for what my body was doing. I was able to doze in and out all night between contractions. Ahn and I snuggled on the couch excitedly dreaming of our boy and his arrival. My midwife Christa checked my blood pressure and his heart rate every hour. The next day the contractions slowly started to space out to every 13 minutes. I got kinda discouraged thinking it may still be awhile, and it was also a little discouraging answering messages of friends and family saying things had slowed down instead of picking up. That night I hoped my body would kick into active labor. 

I got my wish. August 27th early morning, I began to feel the intense cramping turn into that intentional squeezing and tension of an active labor contraction. I imagined my body opening up and each contraction moving my boy into the proper position to be born. There was no more peaceful dozing for me, I began to feel the urge to walk around and move. It was around 3-4 am when I woke up Christa and Emma Kathryn to tell them I was pretttyyyy sure my body was in active labor. Christa checked me roughly two hours later and told me I was! And already 6 centimeters!!! I felt so good in that moment feeling the progress I had made. 

San, a friend from our village who had been staying with us to help out gotta nice wake up call to fill up the birth pool. He, Emma Kathryn, and Christa began to manually fill up a birth pool for me because we did not have clean, warm water from a hose to use. San was filling up buckets of warm water from the shower while Emma Kathryn was boiling water over a stove and running back and forth with pots of water to fill the pool. Even in active labor, those acts of love and care for me meant so much. Later, I found out Emma Kathryn had tripped and fallen hard in the bathroom running water back and forth causing a swollen and bruised leg, and had received an accidental burn from Christa pouring the boiling hot water in the pool. Christa had torn her back out and was still on the ground with me. I can remember seeing her knees turn black and blue, or her take quick moments to lie flat on her back to relieve the pain, but not one complaint left her or Emma Katheryn’s lips. Ahn never left my side, he was that calm shoulder to lean on, and that hand to squeeze. My birth team was so amazing. 

 Labor pain was hard but pretty manageable with movement and a hand to squeeze. Everyone knew when one was coming because I would reach for any hand. When labor got more intense, I began digging my nails into everyone’s hand breaking skin, and both Ahn and Emma Kathryn walked away from the birth with nail shaped wounds in their hands. At the very end of intense labor, I always had the urge to bite something, thankfully for Ahn I controlled that urge and would usually, awkwardly apologize after a primal attempt to tear out a chunk of his shoulder.

 I continued to ride those contractions all day. I was checked again around 10 am and was at 8 centimeters. We tried so many positions to keep labor progressing. Labor really is hard work, you cannot really rest if you want to progress.  You’re in a constant merry go round of movement, position, and bathroom. The bathroom was the worst for me, each time I went it brought on my most painful contractions that would usually result in me punching a wall or hitting the sink. I mentally went to a place where I wasn’t looking at anybody and wasn’t talking. I then puked my guts out. Christa felt this was a good sign that maybe I had transitioned and was fully dilated (puke is typically what happens during transition). I felt so much better and had a pop of energy and a little break. I remember Christa checking me again around 12p and saying I was STILL at 8 cm dilated.

 That moment felt like such a blow. 

I remember feeling like those hours had been for nothing, I felt I could handle the pain but not the exhaustion…My husband, Christa and Emma Kathryn did not let me stay in that place. They kept telling me how strong I was and how every contraction wasn’t in vain, it was furthering the journey of my son. 

I began to feel tired, my legs were shaky and I wanted to rest, and every position seemed to be painful and filled with pressure. There is this feeling, like your gonna pop. Your muscles are working so hard; every part of your body is aching for the goal of delivering the baby that’s made it’s home in your belly the past nine months.  The absolute hardest moment for me was when we all decided to try a new position to change the diameter of my pelvis. I had to lay flat on the table with my legs hanging down. It doesn’t sound bad, but for some reason that position, when in labor, literally is so painful and opens up your pelvis in a way that causes a lot of pain. I think that was the first time I said no to a method to try and progress my labor. Christa told me I should try the position or we could go to a hospital, knowing that I did not want to go to the hospital. Because of that, I gritted my teeth and got on that table. It took a really strong will in that moment to get in that position. After that, with some effort, Christa broke my water bag. Nothing seemed to happen, I was getting more and more exhausted. I felt like trying to sleep in between contractions even though they were only a few minutes apart. I wanted a break from them, but Christa urged me to keep moving because we needed them to get closer together. That was when I asked the question, “can I do this?” Everyone affirmed me that I absolutely could. Christa reassured me nothing was wrong with me or him, but she didn’t want me to feel so tired. His heart rate was amazing, but his head was just turned a little bit wrong, which was why I wasn’t progressing as quickly as we wanted. 

That was when Christa mentioned the hospital again. She said they might be able to help her turn him a bit to get me fully dilated, but she left the decision to go completely up to me. At that point I was so tired, and felt a little discouraged, continuing how we were, so I said yes. 

Part 2. The Ride of Death and Delivery 

This is when things got hilarious and super hard.

   At this point, Ahn and I haven’t slept in awhile, neither really has anybody else. The house we were staying in had a crusty old van we could use, so we piled in and drove to the local hospital we had planned to go to, if needed. The thing about this van is that the air only works for about 4 minutes, the windows do not go down, and while we were driving, it was pouring rain outside. Also the city of Vientiane is HOT. The car began to literally steam up, and it was hard to see, The traffic was so bad and everybody was wiping the windows down so Ahn could see. Ahn NEVER gets lost and if he drives somewhere once he always remembers, but he immediately got lost on the way to the hospital because he was so stressed and tired. At this point, my contractions have decided to come one on top of the other, and were the most intense I had felt. 

   It hurt so badly to sit down fully, so I gripped the front seat so hard, and barely sat on the edge. I was dripping sweat. We all were.  I think I almost tore the care seat up with my grip. That ride in the van was so intensely horrible I remember thinking, I’m either gonna die, or I’m gonna give birth to my son very soon.  Things began to turn very black and white in my mind, and I think that is when my animal brain turned on. Fight or flight. Emma Kathryn said she noticed I stopped crying out and began to breath through each contraction like I was determined to conquer it. In my mind, I remember just trying to not pass out, and it took every ounce of determination not to. Sweat dripping down my entire body, breathing is stuffy, the waves of contractions crashing over me again and again. 

There wasn’t any other options for me except to invite them on, I went to another realm of existence at that point. Ahn kept getting lost, and I began to very firmly tell him if he didn’t figure it out I was going to walk there or call an ambulance to come get me. I told San to break a window so I could breath. We then approached a long unpaved dirt road with a ton of potholes. I think everybody let out a gasp of horror. I gripped the seat tighter, and began to feel that primal strength again. Again thinking, I’m either gonna die or give birth. I’m not gonna die.  

   After about an hour, Ahn finally makes it to the hospital, the staff opens the doors and realizes very quickly I am having constant intense contractions. I remember anytime I moved at all it brought one on. I had a quick second break to sit on the wheelchair and the staff started to RUN me into the hospital and away from everyone else. So remember Christa had thrown out her back almost her first day arriving in country so was struggling to get out of the death van. She yelled to Emma Kathryn to not lose me. They ran me up the dirty halls to the second floor with Emma Kathryn and Christa chasing after me. Ahn was parking the car, and trying to pay bribes so we would get care. I am in such intense labor and the doctor puts me in a lao skirt somehow as I am in a contraction and then demands that I pay for it. I am in such another place I cannot even speak Lao. Ahn is also in another whole consciousness and can’t even answer their most basic questions. They asked him what my birthday was and he literally couldn’t form words. 

   I somehow make it to a delivery room and they left me with Christa and Ahn. Emma Kathryn wasn’t allowed in as the limit was two people, which made me sad, she had worked so hard with me she really deserved to be there. My legs are shaking so hard, and there is almost a numb tingly sensation going up them. I was worried I would fall. Christa kept helping me sway and breath through each contraction. I was so far gone mentally at this point I didn’t realize that two hours had passed at the hospital. Each contraction felt like climbing a mountain, going downhill, then starting again. I knew my son was so close. 

   They came in to check me again, oh how I dreaded moving and laying down. But again, at this point I remember my will just overcoming the pain. Will is an incredible thing. It really felt like something stronger than myself just taking over, and this other strength could endure anything. They checked me again and exclaimed happily I was fully dilated. Christa grabbed my hand and said, “Alright Mookie, it’s go time.” I was barely conscious and so so tired, but I knew I had to push to be done. I could hear a baby cry in the room next to me Christa said, “That is going to be you soon Mookie, he is so close.” They made me grab my legs, tuck my head and push. Seriously the rawest moment ever. Your so exposed, sweaty, tired, and shaking, and you do not give a flipping care. So many people started to come in to watch the white lady give birth. Random hospital workers, nurses, guards. I did not care at all. 

   Christa on one side guiding me when to use the power of my body’s contractions to push, and Ahn on the other encouraging me. I was so thankful that Christa was there to remind me to breath. She knew how tired I was and how close my energy was to being depleted. She would tell me to stop pushing and breathe deep through my nose slowly, then wait for the contraction and push with all my might. Each time saying “atta girl, beautifully done” It sounds silly but I needed that reassurance each time, so I could find that little bit of strength to push again. Ahn grabbed me excitedly and said, “I can see his hair and his head baby. Keep going.” Each push they told me I was progressing which literally saved me. If I didn’t know I think I would’ve wanted to give up. 20 minutes of pushing I felt that release of his head, they told me to stop for a moment. Then I felt the rest of him slide out. I was honestly so disoriented for a moment, then everything came into sharp focus. My son was right there. They laid him on my chest. 

   I wept. 

   It was over. He was here. Galen Ahn Sayaiphone. I did it. 47 hours after it all began, I did it. The best feeling I’ve ever had in my life. I remember immediately thinking I would do it all over the exact same way if I had to. 

   The warmth of him was perfect. My body was shaking but my heart was filled with calm. I felt such a rush of adrenaline. I remember wanting to see his face better but it was hard because he was lying on my chest. He had a head full of black hair, and perfect little hands with little fingernails. I could feel his sweet little breaths. He had cried for just a moment and then lay quietly on me. Ahn gripped my hand and stared at what we had made. That moment was so precious. I will never ever forget it. Ahn started commenting on every little characteristic about him. 

    Christa made me feel like I had won the race of my life, which I guess I had. She guided me through the rest, Ahn cut the cord after about 5 minutes and then the placenta came out quickly. I tore a little and they stitched me up. It was not fun but felt like a breeze to what I had just been through, but I do remember not wanting to be messed with anymore. I just wanted to stare at my baby and cover him in kisses. 

   They got me on another stretcher and rolled me out into the laboring room against the wall. Thankfully, I had tons of people there to elevate the stretcher and help me sit up. Other women who had also just delivered a baby sat against the wall flat on their back. Ahn then held Galen. I had imagined seeing the love of my life hold our son so many times in my dreams. It was absolute perfection in real life. 

I have turned off my animal brain now and am Mookie again, kind of sitting in shock of what I had just done, and that was when I felt like a superhero. I felt I could climb Mount Everest, I could fight in a battle, I could conquer ANYTHING. And I was kind of laughing that I was sitting up in a stretcher against a dirty wall in a Lao hospital, wearing a bloody lao skirt and ignored by the staff for the next few hours. After giving birth, I was so hungry. I really wanted pizza. We had some other friends waiting at the hospital for support, and my friend Sarah brought me tons of hot, thick cheesy pizza.  I sat there bloody, sweaty, in the nastiest clothes, holding my baby boy with one arm and chowing down on cheese pizza with the other. Everybody in the hospital wanted to come stare at us. I probably looked an absolute sight eating pizza with my baby in that hospital. 

That first night was also hilarious because they wouldn’t let us leave the hospital. They had no private rooms so Ahn, San and I were shoved in a shared group room full of new mothers and their husbands and families. There was only a men’s restroom down the hall and only one toilet worked for a bit and then was clogged. There were bright fluorescent lights kept on all night, and hard tiny beds. It was pretty dirty and not at all what I imagined for our first night. However the other families in the room, although super curious about us were really kind and friendly, as Lao people are. Honestly, it kind of reminded me of when it poured rain on our wedding day. Nothing in Ahn and I’s life together has ever turned out perfect or as planned, but we are always just SO happy we stop caring. 

  We got through that crazy night staring at Galen Ahn Sayaiphone, counting his toes and fingers. Checking his breath every 30 minutes, taking turns snuggling him. It WAS perfect. 

My advice to any woman about to give birth would be this. First. Believe in yourself. Your body is freaking powerful and you can give birth. It's not a scary thing, your not sick, you are very healthy and your body knows what to do. Trust it. Secondly, have emotional support. Gather around you if you can people that will empower you and bear with you through a very hard and wonderful journey. More than simply your partner or even family, they can get worried and feel stressed themselves. Doula's are amazing, my midwife was incredible, or strong woman friends. Thirdly. If you go for an unmedicated natural birth, you will bounce back SO fast (one of the many perks) I was out and about 2 days after that madness, and have felt great. Seriously a woman's body is incredible. 

In the words of Ina May Gaskin (an incredible midwife and author) your body is not a lemon. 

meaning: Your body is not something to hate and despise, it is amazing and capable of bringing life into the world. Go girl.