Gratitude

    Oh graduation week. Your stuck between being so ready to be done, then never wanting to leave college. So many feelings have been pumping through all our hearts. It seemed kind of perfect timing that my roommate got married. This past saturday I got the honor of being apart of Doc’s wedding. Our Adobe House of girls is minus one. But as we stood and watched her walk down that isle, a glowing bride, all you could do was catch your breath. You couldn’t feel sorrow when you saw the love they held for each other, or the groom’s awe when he beheld his bride, or their reverence for the One they both loved each other for.

   
We had just been in the ocean (an hour and a half before she walked down the isle), one of our favorite places. Doc caught a perfect wave and we carried her off the beach, being as obnoxious as possible.  Her and I cried in the bathroom as she put on her lacey wedding dress and a crown of flowers, and I couldn’t help just being so grateful. So grateful for the time I got to live with this wonderful sister. So grateful for all the things she taught me. For the dark times we helped each other through and the joyful times. The dance parties, paint wars, dumpster diving, surfing adventures.

   
Two hours later we were all dancing in a field. Almost giddy with joy. I looked around me. It was finals week. My last one ever, after this many of us would move away. But this moment, we were here. We were celebrating a covenant that you can’t witness without experiencing the Great Lion. I really felt as I caught my breath from the dancing and laughing, this is just a taste of heaven. I looked at Doc glowing, pure and beautiful being a perfect picture of what The Vine thinks of us. 

Fast forward to tonight. Tonight we were honored by two people that have poured into us girls so intentionally for the past four years, and have been at the center of many of my fondest memories. The couple cooked us a delicious meal, even did silly accents as they served us. But then we started sharing memories. We were the first group of college kids they have seen from beginning to end. But they were so much more then just leaders. They were a safe haven, when you had no where else to go. They were a listening ear, they were genuine and transparent, they were people who would spend hours doing one small thoughtful thing for you. They were people who believed in me. I got sappy and cried again, because I was just so grateful. I felt like I should feel something different or say something more, but all I could do was let the tears roll and the heart overflow.

 
 I firmly believe I am not worthy of many things. I am not worthy for the wonderful education I have received at my college. I am not worthy to have been loved the way I have been loved by the community in which I live. I am not worthy of my roommates and sisters. I am not worthy of my family’s loyalty and patience. I am not worthy to know My Farmer and call him mine. I am not worthy to call his people my people. I am most unworthy of blood that was spilled for me a long time ago. But all I can do is have a grateful heart and let my cup overflow and spill out onto the world.

    So for all my seniors graduating college, or anyone saying goodbye to a season of life and getting ready for the next. Don’t grieve too long, be grateful, and receive it. I am about to get my degree and not be in a school anymore for the first time since I was five. I might feel like a fish out of water, but I’m beginning to be excited for the next. I’m in that process of putting on those hiking boots, getting ready for the next journey, the Lion’s roar beckoning me onward.

The True Meaning of Sisterhood

What is sisterhood?

 I watched a female comedian recently talking about girl friendships and how truly, they just hate each other. They do girls nights out. Go off with different boys. Talk about each other behind their back. Binge drink together. Use each other. Smile to each other's faces- stab each other in the back. I giggled and laughed at her jokes but then felt such sadness that this was the view of girls and their friendships.

This is what a lot of society thinks about female friendships. The meaning of the words sisterhood has been very lost. 

So first we need to fix our view of a woman.

This time of feminism has been interesting, and for me, disappointing. Instead of seeing women as they really are, I've seen more garbage.  Women being portrayed as super sexual (that is empowering?) women talking dirtier, dressing sexier, and being independent and ruthless. These are the attributes our country has decided makes a woman a woman.

Well I am here to say I will stand against that till my last breath. I have learned how to be a woman FROM the sisterhood and my journey with The Vine. These relationships are a deep, enduring, closeness that is food for the soul. And I've realized, it's something many women have never experienced. Thus a loss of what being a woman really is. I can only describe to you my understanding of being a woman from what I know.

So let me explain:

-A night out for typical societal women - scantily dressed, going to the clubs, picking up dudes, getting pretty hammered, gossip and chit chat.
-What a night out for my sisterhood looks like- Getting dressed in pretty long dresses, hear jazz being played- throwing off our shoes and dancing in the street, singing with a lonely violinist, watching silly old videos of us, making a music video to Circle of Life, laughing till we almost pee our pants, (or actually pee our pants) looking at the stars spinning around until we fall over, kayaking, surfing, and any other adventure we can find. Diving into dumpsters for food. Talking about what's in our deep wilderness of a heart.

(You decide which one sounds more fun;)

This can look different for different women. But being a woman is really a picture of innocence.

When I picture the soul of a women, I think of The Vine just musing to himself -I want to make something lovely- He formed the heart of a woman with goodness, laughter, beauty, gentleness, and a fiery spirit. It doesn't mean we are docile brainless beauties. It means were are lively, lovely and good. 

I live in a house of women. We laugh together, bust out in dancing together, cry together. But most importantly we are living life in the branches together. I have learned about grace from Doc, endurance from Jelly, intentionality from Squirrel, silliness from Zern, determination from Chan, obedience from Shelbs, service from Eileen, goodness from Ang, and selflessness from my mother. (and many many more)

These women are so incredibly different. Yet we have been united. We are in this season together. I have recently been walking through a storm as many of my close sisters have. We have entered those dark places together. We have not let each other sit in our rooms. We have not let ourselves be alone. We have pushed, cried, and loved each other's wounds. And together with The Vine strengthening our roots, we are beginning to heal. That is what sisterhood looks like. It is deep feminine community. Rooted in love. Challenging, unselfish -love.

I want to say that I think my friends are some of the most beautiful women alive (most of them don't even wear makeup). But I want you to get a peek into their souls. The soul of a woman.
And our little life at the Adobe House. And I want this to be a thank you from every piece of my heart to these women who have been there for me. They are mothers, sisters and friends. But all truly women of the Vine.

This is what beauty looks like....(those hollywood girls ain't got nothing on us;)

So women. Stop living up to society's expectations of you. You are not a sexual object, but a captivating beauty. You are not simply a girl to go out drinking with, but a soul sister. The Vine is showing off with you. He is showing off attributes of his character in you. You are full of life..LET THE WORLD SEE IT!

About Us

You can email me at AuxanoCoffee(at)gmail(dot)com

Our story isn't the norm, but we wouldn't have it any other way. Let's start with me, I'm Florida born and raised, I grew up with a big family and always knew I would live somewhere wild overseas. I had heart to fight for those who couldn't and pass what I had been given to those not given basic human rights. I love my King, and He is the true reason for all that I do. During college I was studying in Southeast Asia and came across a tribe called Khmu in Laos who stole my heart and there was a lot of work being done in coffee. I saw it as an amazing business and tool to build strong communities and who doesn't love coffee. Little did I know this would be the start of something amazing. 

Then there is my Farmer. He grew up in the North of Laos, with no electricity, sometimes no home, hunting for food in the jungle, and walking five hours for poor education. People looked down on his family, saying there were too poor and too many people, nobody would ever marry any of them. He had a huge heart, never stopped dreaming and is a natural linguist and musician. It's pretty amazing actually. He came home from sleeping on the streets of the capitol city at a construction job to meet me, a girl who couldn't speak Lao and he knew a handful of English sentences. He saw me in my confusion, and he saw my heart for his people. We fell in love. He was so intelligent, so calm and humble. I had never met anybody like him in my life. 

We dated for nearly four years while I would study at university and visit in the summers to continue building trust with his people, and learn how to work there. In December 2015 I made the move permanent after graduation. We got married summer of 2016. That year is when things really began to develop. I was always sponsoring students, meeting daily needs of the village and building strong relationships. We wanted to get into coffee but I didn't know enough about it or have good connections. That is when we met Seeds Coffee Company, they had a heart for producers like us, and knowledge about Specialty Coffee  which is the most sustainable and empowering way to pay farmers fair wages.  They taught is, advocated for us, support us and officially partner with us. They believe in higher things, and bringing justice to farmers. But it's more than just a fair wage, it's about changing desperation into empowerment, the impoverished into valued individuals, broken families into strong communities. I live with these people, their problems have become my own. I've lived without a bathroom, an open fire stove, a mat over open floorboards and no vehicle. I'm one of them. They trust me, and love me, just as they know I trust and love them. My husband has truly given me insight into their world and as we start a specialty coffee cooperative, he has shown me how to communicate with his people. How to see a culture so different from my own. 

This story that is my life, is crazy. Sometimes I have to stop and remember this is real. But it's also so wonderful, everyday feels like deep sanctification. So join us. Read along with how I'm being shaped and molded, and what is happening with these very special people. If you want to support us and learn more about our coffee click here. We want to invite you into this story, to be shareholders and see the world through different people's eyes.