On Compassion

I’m not a mom (yet) but I was a kid. And I have a mom. A great mom, the best. Honestly now that I’m an adult I realize what a rare and incredible upbringing I had because of my mother. I was homeschooled, but before you label me as a weirdo, we were probably more socialized then most public school kids. We were around people constantly, from all over the world, different age groups and backgrounds. My house was filled with people all the time. We read over 30 classics a year about people from different countries and beliefs. We traveled so much, and while my mom protected our innocence, she wasn’t afraid to show us harsh truths so we could be ready to fight them as adults. But besides these things my mother instilled a deep sense of compassion in us. She prayed it over us, she taught it, she was an example of it, and she did specific things to really bring it home.

My mother was very intentional with movies she showed us. Now if you’re a mom, with kiddos, I’m going give you a little nugget from my mom. We Whittens love good movies. If you know us you may roll your eyes and laugh a little because you know it’s true. We grew up on good films, Last of the Mohicans, To Kill a Mockingbird, Life is Beautiful, It’s a Wonderful Life, and many others. It was something we did together, and my mom showed us specific films at a young age to teach us something and appreciate older slower films.

  I can think of many films that deeply impacted me, but the one that impacted me most was a film about compassion, empathy and human dignity. She let us watch it at about 11 years old. She would talk about compassion before and we would discuss it after. Not in a cheesy way, but really challenging us with who we were, what kind of people did we want to be? This particular film was, The Elephant Man. If you haven’t seen it please do yourself a favor and watch it. But be ready with a box of tissues. I recently just watched a few clips to show My Farmer, and it brought a rush of emotions. Maybe the place I’m in made it more emotional, but either way be ready to cry.

   

     The movie tells the story of Joseph Merrick, a man with a rare disease that leaves him heavily disfigured. He has been put in a cage as a freak show, and treated like an animal most of his life. Nobody knowing he is actually a brilliant well spoken man, until a doctor finds him and get's him out to care for him. It’s based off of a true story, and is also a Broadway play.  I remember being a kid, and that movie tearing me apart in the best of ways. Watching the abuse towards such a kind and intelligent man. One of my favorite parts of the film is when one of the characters attempting to help him, realizes how even in his initial “helping” he had also treated the man like an animal.  The man needed people to treat him like a human being.

     Kids are exposed to so many things. It’s easy to be desensitized and become a bystander or partaker in bullying. In the movie the crowds would feed off of each other in laughing and fearing the Elephant Man, nobody would stand up and defend him. I remember my mother talking to us after watching a film like that, she would challenge us to always have compassion and fight for those being preyed upon, or how to defend ourselves. It didn't have to be extremely disfigured, it could be the odd kid out, or the girl being taken advantage of, the loner at lunch. 

She talked about being a person of integrity, and caring about what was right just for the sake of truth, even if it meant standing alone. I didn’t realize it as a kid but my mom giving us invaluable life lessons. And honestly her lessons stuck with me throughout my life. They ring in my ears especially in my life here, when so many people are abused. The cultural thing to do here is to turn away, be silent, don’t rock the boat. But My Farmer and I have been talking so much about true compassion. When our frustration makes us want to lash out in hate, we remember compassion.

In the film the Elephant Man, the Doctor Treves has great compassion but has to fight for it.  In other words, compassion and apathy don’t go together. It is an active emotion.

   

  We need compassion; it is such a key to other things like justice, love, and change. I believe most children are already prone to being compassionate, but the world can quickly knock it out of them, they need to be affirmed in it. Imagine what a generation of deeply compassionate people could do. There were so many moments as a kid watching that movie I wanted to jump through the screen and be Joseph Merrick’s friend, to hit the bad guys abusing him, to hold his hand and talk to him. Watching this story deeply impacted how I felt about compassion, I realized it wasn’t just something my mom wanted me to do to be a good little kid, it was important. It is probably a lot of the reason I am where I am in life now. My mom's lessons, and the Father's example filled my heart, I couldn't sit still in apathy. 

    As I grow older I realize jumping out and hitting the “bad guys” isn’t always helpful. Laos is a country full of domestic abuse. You take poverty/desperation, mix it with boredom and alcohol you have the perfect recipe for abuse. There really aren’t any social structures in place to defend women. We recently had an issue where a man in our community hit his wife so hard he knocked her out. My feeling was to go over there and punch that guy in the face. That would make me feel better, and honestly be the easy thing to do. 

   But compassion. Compassion is seeing past your hate and anger towards injustice. It looks like defending his wife strongly but offering the husband a way to redemption. Shaming this man, in this place (in this culture) will do nothing but back him in a dangerous corner, leading to more abuse. Allowing him to confess himself, apologize, and have others willing to help him overcome this. I’ve had to check my heart a million times for hate. And cling to compassion in these moments.  I believe it wasn’t a coincidence that my heart was already stewing on these things, that I re-watched some of The Elephant Man, right when this issue arose. It is re-teaching me so much as an adult.

    So if you’re an adult and want to watch an impactful film, check out The Elephant Man, and don’t let it just be a good watch, let it sink in your heart. And parent’s, show this film to your kids. Yes, it’s black and white, and a lot of talking. But kids are adaptable, I believe it will hook them and hopefully it will impact them as much as it did me. In all the hate, turmoil, and division we face in our lives daily, compassion is something we could all use more of.